the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
