when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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