it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
