porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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