in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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