i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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