I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
