dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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