I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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