Me too!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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