This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
