Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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