I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
