Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found puke in my bra..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
