My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
