Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
