I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
