Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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