what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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