just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
