She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
