I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
