I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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