saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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