How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I believe in your delicious
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
