EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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