haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
