She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
