I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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