I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
