i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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