It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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