true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't deserve a penis
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
