I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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