He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i dont even know how to be here
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
