she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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