My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
