It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
