OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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