i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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