yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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