he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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