Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We left the knife in your bed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
