3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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