whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
