gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
