I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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