YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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