advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
