So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
