not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
