The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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