Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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