Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My butt remains clenched, sir.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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