My sheets look like a crime scene.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
