the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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