hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
