It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
