Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
