Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
