i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
