idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
