i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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