Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
