Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
