Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
