You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
