there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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