I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
