I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe