My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
