Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
