But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment