Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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