Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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