Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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