dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
