Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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