idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
