so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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