I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
