You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
