Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
