We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
