Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize