Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
